Writing and the Mid-Life Crisis, Guy.

[will_couvillier]

This is a glum-ass post, so be forewarned.

I'm 49, and I really think that the dreaded man's mid-life crisis thing has hit.  It's like all that I can focus on is my old yet still favorite computer game to the exclusion of pretty much all else outside of the normal functioning of life.  I have pretty much lost interest in my collections, and my writing has fizzled to the point that I almost feel that I'm headed for another years-long break from it, however positive my productiviity has been over the last couple years.  Heck, in that area I am so disappointed with myself I couldn't say.  It really feels that I've actually regressed in the quality of my output, instead of progressing.  It's still on my mind, but now it's cloaked by a wave of doubt to the point of nearly being smothered.  Perhaps I just have to step back for a bit, but I'm afraid that would just be the first step to  leaving writing altogether for another 10-year break.

I've been sick lately.  My plan was to work hard on that Footprints story over the long 3-day weekend of 10/31 (in Nevada it was Nevada Day and a holiday) and plugging at it to have a rough done by now.  It didn't happen.  Then I picked up a clogging horrid flu that killed me last weekend, to the point of actually having to miss work.  This thickened my head to the point I didn't want to think, much less create, and again, it didnt get done.  So, my sorrows to Eric -- you won't see a story with my name on it this time.  I like the idea I finally put together for it, and hope to actually write it out eventually.  But it's not something that will happen by this Saturday.

Neither will my planned story to Clockwork Phoenix 2.

Neither will work on my sequel to Atakapa Sunset.

Neither will revising Rescuing Nelson for subbing to WotF.

Neither will getting back any motivation, inspiration, self-esteem or sense of self worth.  Not by Saturday, and probably not for a bit after that.  And yea, I do realize that this is a phase thing and will pass, but right now it's very hard to see past the muddle and depression to that. 

Time to work.  Later, all.

Comments

[suibhne-geilt.livejournal.com]

I'm still working on my sub for Footprints. I did, however, get one out to Clockwork Phoenix over the weekend.

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

The Footprints guideline is tight, challenging while in itself seemingly deceptively simple. It's why I still hope to finish that story one day.

The story I began for CP2 is in a person/tense that is odd and experimental for me.

I have both begun, and the ideas there. Both are open to fit anywhere, so it's my hope that when I do get back to them they will place.

Here's to you placing your stories! Luck, and write on!

[suibhne-geilt.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The Footprints guidelines are stealthy tough. I'm trying to not focus too much on how they got to the moon, as opposed to how they're reacting to what's there.

[saycestsay.livejournal.com]

hey Will,

There are always anthologies. BUT... with 3 days left in the Footprints one, you can at least draft up an entry, and refit it when it's rejected (or if, if it's good enough.)

And there might be a Clockwork Phoenix 3, right?

AND the WotF deadline is 12/31, 6 weeks away.

So, you have time.

Motivation is a bitch, though, especially when you're feeling... that way. Helps to finish something. Anything. (helps more to sell something, but that is out of your hands as long as you have stories in circulation.)

So, in your own words: here's to you placing stories! Luck! And write on.

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thing with the timing on Footprints is that while I usually do very well with a deadline this time I haven't the umpth to get on it. I really want to curl up in a corner until this mood passes. I hate when things like this happens, and am really glad that they are (usually) few and far between..

[alaneer.livejournal.com]

Hey Will,

We've all been there; I have. It's hard to climb out of the slimepit of unproductivity, especially when you're ill. But you can do it. Start with writing some of your cool poems, or just edit the work you've already done. That works for me sometimes. And you can still make WotF.

If you want me to crit something send it.

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I like that poem idea...

[mgsmurf.livejournal.com]

Been there. A couple illness in a row and feeling crappy is a valid excuse for a break from writing. When I was really sick I had to just let myself know that I'd do what I could and let the rest slide until I felt better.

Getting back into writing after that break is hard to. But you weather through, knowing you want to do this, and knowing you will get better at it again.

I agree with others, find something small to do, write a poem or drabble, edit something, add a few words to a work in progress.

Good luck with getting out of this phase and moving onto the better ones after.

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thanks...and I have a few stories I could edit. My stories "Treasure", "The Good Son", "Rescuing Nelson", "Mara's Lament", and "Passage" all have multiple crits saved for the rewrite. Perhaps if I work the one I plan to send to WotF it will open it up for me.

[kaolinfire.livejournal.com]

The biggest motivation boost I got recently was joining lobo_luna with their weekly picture prompt poetry challenges.

Trying to claw my way kicking and screaming (no, more like sniveling and mewling) out of a long dry spot all around.

[vaughan-stanger.livejournal.com]

Will, I see a lot of myself in what you posted. Other people do, too.

I agree with trying to find something small to tackle. Try to make progress on a task that's doable and not too stretching. Okay, the reward may be small too, but it's a lot better than nothing.

If I'm feeling low on writerly motivation (which happens quite often) I'll set myself a goal like write a short-short in an afternoon. It doesn't always work, but sometimes I end up with a new short-short to polish and market.

I hope you're feeling a lot better soon.

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thanks -- having moods like this hit this strongly is fairly rare for me. Probably why I'm felling it this way, I guess.

[buffysquirrel.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a post-viral depression to me. I had one that lasted eighteen months (just to cheer you up!).

Fruit and exercise. I just recommend it, I don't do it myself :D.

[threeoutside.livejournal.com]

Looks like a few others have bumbled into you in the murk to let you know you'renot alone. Me, too. But mine's lasted *years*. I just this morning did pick up a pen and write about - well, I don't know how much, more than 1,000 words I think - on 2007's NaNoWriMo failed effort. I haven't written ANY fiction since about March of this year, but I still like the story so maybe I can get back into it.

One secret is not to tie your feelings of self-worth to your word totals. Ha! Easier said than done, I know.

Anyway, take care of yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you would a friend. *hugs*

ROM

[bearleyport.livejournal.com]

Eeyore lost his tail,
won't find it munching thistles
with the oliphant

[jeffsoesbe.livejournal.com]

I've seen a lot of "writer fatigue" recently and am going through it myself.

For me, it's part:
- post-election letdown (even though my candidate won the Presidency)
- concern about the economy (every day, something new)
- the weather darkening and cooling down
- my own job-related concerns.

At least I haven't been sick as you have, though I do feel on the edge of it at times.

Strange thing: some times, when I feel kind of blah I just sit and write and I feel a little bit better.

Hope things start to work out for you!!

- yeff

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

Stuff happens. It's okay to vege out for a little bit. It's just the universe telling you it's time to recharge.

[writerknv.livejournal.com]

Hey, having ranted about this on my own livejournal a lot lately, I definitely feel your pain! I can say lots of things that my friends told me that were uplifting and helpful, and I'm sure you're getting lots of uplifting and helpful comments, but I'm going to say: let the creativity rest for now. Play your video game, ride out the funk. It'll pass soon enough. :)

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thanks. That writing itch never really goes away, does it -- just lays back and waits for a good time to start up again.

Hopefully my depressive emotional cortesone will wear off soon and let that itch grow strong again!

[writerknv.livejournal.com]

I hope so! :) Hang in there.

[jtglover.livejournal.com]

Agreed with others about motivation. We've all had these times, from family problems to illnesses to who knows what? It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, goals-wise, so maybe scaling back to just one favored project might help. Good luck!

[mehub.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing such a hard time in your life. I know that sounds strange. But so many of us can relate. I've been finding lots of reasons (excuses) not to write, but when the energy isn't there, well...And you've already seen my blog, so you know what's going on there! Hang on and hang in there, the pen or computer will always be waiting for us when we are ready!

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Yea, and I know everything passes, everything changes. This realization doen't help much when in the middle of it though...

[therinth.livejournal.com]

random *hugs*

[will-couvillier.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[southernweirdo.livejournal.com]

I don't know what it is lately, but I'm on the same page. Despite a string of recent publications and some high profile authors kindly taking notice of Southern Fried Weirdness I've been feeling a little bit of ... burn out, I guess? Every word of my own has been a struggle lately.

I've got an idea for you ... write something (under 2000 words) inspired by your childhood in the South (with a little bit of weirdness thrown in, of course) and send it my way ... Maybe an assignment would help?